our first fAnfiction (see whAt we did there?)
by caryandnatalie
Summary: Aria is revealed to be A, and hatches a plan to eliminate the other Pretty Little Liars. Complications arise when Spencer finds out about Aria's devious ways, and Ezra arrives. Warning: Necrophilia is mentioned


Once upon a time Aria was A. She only ate things that began with the letter A. This caused her to become sickly. It meant she couldn't eat pizza. Or ice cream. Or bison. Or her most favorite food: the blood of her enemies. Aria was sad, so she took this out on the other Pretty Little Liars. She decided to kill Hanna. This was unfortunate. She also decided to give Spencer a B. This was ok, because Spencer needed to be a little more humble. Aria also stopped talking to Emily for a week. But really Hanna was in the worst position. Not that she could say anything about it; the girl was dead. At least she could be a ghost with Caleb now.

After she got a B, Spencer became part of the CIA and the FBI. She got to carry a gun and became even smarter. People got annoyed, but she had a gun, so what could they do? One day she found out that it was Aria who gave her a B. She wanted revenge. So she decided to organize a cruise with the other Liars and Hanna's body. They would go to Hungary. And also to Turkey. And Switzerland. Swiss cheese. And watches. One evening, they set off on the cruise. It was a dark and stormy night, but more dark than stormy. Spencer was angry. She wanted it to be more stormy than dark. She was also upset that she was not the smartest person in the room because Emily had become super smart thanks to electroshock therapy.

Spencer now wanted even more revenge. She decided to throw all the Liars in the ocean. Even Hanna's body. It would float but that would be okay. The time had come. She snuck up behind Emily, who was reading the dictionary to become even smarter, but then Aria hit her on the head with a fish. It was a fairly large fish. It was also slightly rotten. They were all horrible at fishing. Now Spencer was unconscious. This was a problem. For her. Not for Hanna's body. Aria was so surprised that Spencer was evil. She thought she was more evil than Spencer. Now she was mad because she wasn't the most evil. She decided to call her weird boyfriend Ezra.

Ezra decided to body surf his way onto the cruise ship. His boogie board was floral. What else would you expect?

"Hi Aria. I am here" said Ezra.

Aria rolled her eyes. She had already known he was here. He read too much stuffy literature and thought he was a philosopher like the great Lithuanian philosopher Glan Bobo.

"I have come to help you kill" said Ezra. "And also date a student because I'm a creeper."

"You're dating another student besides me?" Aria gasped.

"Yes, she's right here," said Ezra, picking up Hanna's body. "I love her even more now that she's dead."

There was an awkward silence. It was REALLY awkward.

Then Aria admitted that it made sense. Aria nodded sagely.

"Oh Ezra, you are just so smart, I love you so much."

Ezra nodded back. He knew it. He knew he was awesome and smart and the best boyfriend Hanna's body could ever have. Emily was just kind of sitting there, reading the dictionary. She was now on letter Q. She wasn't interested in people anymore; she wanted to know the definition of "quail."

"Guys, be quiet, I need to read the dictionary," she whined at Aria and Ezra.

Ezria rolled their eyes.

"Oh my god, I forgot she existed" they said simultaneously.

Emily decided she would kill them. Then they would be sorry. But not really because they'd be dead.

"I will kill you" she said.

"Good," said Ezra. "Then I can be with Hanna's body."

In the afterlife, it seemed like the ghosts Hanna and Caleb were having a very lovely time. Last week they had possessed the body of Mona and made her do the Chicken Dance. Now Caleb wanted Ezria to do the Electric Slide, but Hanna thought that was too 90s. She wanted them to twerk.

While the ghosts were debating, Aria pushed Emily into the water, forgetting she was a swimmer. Emily swam to shore and then they were confused.

"Oh well." said Ezra.

Aria nodded. She decided she wanted to steal the boat and kick off all the other passengers, whom they had forgotten existed up to this point.

"Wait, those people can see us?" said Ezra. "I thought we were invisible."

Then the ship security walked up to them screaming. Ezria was put into custody. They did not have their Miranda Rights read to them because both of them pretended not to speak English and only speak Portuguese. The security officers didn't know Portuguese so they deported them to Mexico. The security officers were a bit racist. And stupid. So it goes.

Before they were deported, Ezra killed Aria.

"Why are you doing this to me Creamy Crotch?" Aria cried.

"Two can keep a secret…if one of them is dead." Ezra said smiling.

He loved Benjamin Franklin.


End file.
